BollyParty

Mission Istaanbul, this week's new Bollywood release, is not only a bad film, it's also a highly offensive film. If it was merely a mindless action film, one might have been more forgiving, but in fact Mission Istaanbul disguises itself as a film that takes a serious look at international terrorism, as a film that questions the commercialization of news.

These are interesting themes no doubt, but themes that this film not only doesn't explore, but barely dwells on superficially.

Zayed Khan plays Vikas Sagar, a prominent Indian television journalist who's just landed a three-month familiarization assignment with the Al-Johara channel in Turkey. The channel's run by media-mogul Ghazni (played by Nikitan Dheer), who Sagar soon realizes, is a dodgy fellow. Vivek Oberoi plays mysterious well-wisher Rizwan Khan who warns Sagar that his life is in danger, alerting him about Ghazni's eerily cozy relationship with the most feared terrorist outfit.

When Sagar realises that Ghazni's doing more than just reporting the news at Al-Johara, he teams up with Rizwan to uncover the dirty secret.

Ten minutes into Mission Istaanbul and any hopes you might have had of watching a smart, realistic thriller, come crashing down. In director Apoorva Lakhia's world, serious news journalists turn up for important field reporting in body-hugging ganjis; they not only leave their cell-phones on during major political interviews but also attend to personal calls in the middle of such coveted assignments; and being a news journalist according to Lakhia means you're the kind of tech-savvy guy who can hack into computers at the snap of a finger.

The director also makes a mockery of a global concern as serious as terrorism by portraying it in such a matter-of-fact, trite manner that his film is more a disservice to the cause he claims to espouse.

Mission Istaanbul is a miscalculation on the part of both the film's writer and director. I could go into details and take apart every other scene, but frankly we don't have the time for that. Considering the film relies so heavily on action, you'd expect some edge-of-the-seat, nail-biting moments but what you get are a bunch of tackily shot chase scenes and one particularly over-the-top set piece involving our two heroes jumping on to an attacking helicopter's landing skids.

I don't have words to describe that embarrassing product-placement scene in which our heroes make an impossible escape, then pop open cans of sponsor cola and rattle off its tagline with false bravado.